So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
