this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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