Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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