i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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