I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
