I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
