an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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