that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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