You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
