I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
