so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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