we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
