One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will pee on everything he values.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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