I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
