I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
