Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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