this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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