i dont even know how to be here
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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