he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
