Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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