We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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