I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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