did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
