Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
