I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
