We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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