When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
