he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
