i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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