I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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