like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
