Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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