dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
