So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
