Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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