woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
