Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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