Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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