I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
