It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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