This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
