Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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