All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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