she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
