Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
