she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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