I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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