so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
