Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
