it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
