That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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